Is it bad that I am beginning to pity myself?
I have been up way too late these past days. I went on a 7-day streak where I went to bed past 1 AM, and that didn't bode well for me.
It isn't like I am doing anything. I keep telling myself, "you have plenty of time, you don't have to finish this now, you have all night, you have all the time in the world." So not true.
But anyways, I ran for the first time in a while today with Luke. It was nice. We went up a bunch of hills, and I convinced myself several times that I needed to stop and stretch my calves, but I kept telling myself that it isn't too bad. And it wasn't.
And I don't think anything is really too bad right now. I just keep convincing myself that it is, and I don't know why.
That's all I can say for now.
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2 comments:
this has nothing to do with your post, other than a PSA to you to stop getting yourself down. there's a perfect french expression for this but you wouldn't understand so it's kind of useless. arrete de vous deprimer. something like that. i don't know why I'm writing this right now and i don't know why I wrote "crying" instead of "writing" the first time i typed that sentence. oookay *deep breath*.
There's a lot of explanation in what I have to say. Because I've said too much to too many different people and I don't know why and it's crazy. There's no way to rationally explain the irrational, so I guess I will keep this short. I guess I can't keep this short because I really have to start from the beginning, which was, if I remember well, sophomore year? Or perhaps the beginning of junior. I'm not even sure. How long had it been for you? I always assumed much longer but I was never really sure. I feel like that now, an old woman who's been waiting on something for the past four years.
okay i sreiously don't know what i'm saying anymore. I know what there is to say but i just can't and maybe i'll email you later because i'm not up for initiating conversations. i'm going to get some sleep and you should, too. i'm going to forget that i've confused you further probably, although you were always quite good at decoding my rambles. why am i still typing? I can't stop. I'm bored and I wish I knew someone who's known me for longer than you or a camp friend has. Camp shouldn't count because that's a different world and everything is just so hard.
Sorry for the ramble.
No worries. I just have ups and downs sometimes. I'm perfectly fine now.
I don’t know how to answer this without being really awkward. Yes, there is some explaining that should be done, and yes it has been on and off since sophomore year, and that makes two of us not very keen to initiating conversations. And I’m not really sure if talking to you again is a good thing since whenever I do, in the end I feel terrible. Give me a reason.
It’s good to hear from you again. I know that contradicts what I just said, but it’s the truth.
Feel free to send me an email sometime if you want. I enjoy trying to listen to other people's ramblings.
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