Getting over the habit

K, so nothing really much is goin on now.

Well...actually...volleyball is going on...which is sweet. Or it is at least sweet to watch. So basically...we went against Brookline the other day and it was like a crazy, crazy game. Five matches make up a game and all of the matches are to 25 except for the fifth one (so the winner is basically who wins three games first). Uhm, so yeah...with Brookline we like lost the first one by like two points, won the second one, lost the third one...till the fifth one...then we like just managed to win. Uhm, but yeah...the more exciting game was tonight where we lost the first two matches, but managed to save it and like win three in a row against a really good team.

But, yeah. Nothing else really. Took the (practice) MCAS today. Didn't really try and instead of answering the last open response question, I did an essay on why I thought American History shouldn't be on the MCAS. Whatevs. We're not even getting our scores back.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I'm sooo happy now about soo many things! Uhm, why did I feel sad and frustrated a second ago? Ugh. I hate being a teenager.

Goodbye Newton North Track

Last meet on the NNHS track the other day. I'll post more on it some other day.

if only I could start to care...my dreams and my Wednesdays ain't going nowhere

I feel like I'm missing out on life.

Every time I see those stupid romances on TV or hear songs about anything romantic, or walk down the freaking school hallway, I get a feeling that I'm missing so much. I feel like I should be doing that. I should be living life like that. Like I should be feeling those feelings. Like I need someone.

But at the same time, I'm worried that what I'm trying to find isn't what's going to make my life any better.

whatevs. This is the last I'm gonna talk about this because the more I talk about it, the more it drives me crazy.

So, yes. According to my last post, I had my last track meet the other day. Actually, the last track meet on the NNHS track, which has been there ever since the original school was there.

So, yeah. I didn't run very well. I got passed by someone who never beats me. Oh well. I tied with my PR, so thats good. I'm so happy for my friends who all did so amazingly (ALEX P BREAKING 5=AMAZING).

But, yeah. All that's left now is a week of awesome runs to awesome places. Uhm, let's just hope we don't get in trouble. Is all I have to say.

But, yeah...life recently...has been oddly slow. This week has been going by pretty nicely. But then like today and yesterday afternoon came. UGH. I hate when I have nothing to do and have stuff planned out that never happens.

But whatevs. Next week will be fun.

Oh. And new favorite song. "You Don't Know" by Milo. I've never seen songs with the genre of "Easy listening", but that pretty much defines this song.

Oh yeah...the movie Babel is interesting. It is a bit confusing and doesn't really lead anywhere but is worth seeing if you like those movies that come together at the end.

And, yeah. The other movie I saw recently was Borat. Oh wow. Remind me NEVER to see anything like that ever again. It is absolutely terrible. I saw it because people told me that it like made fun of like racism and homophobia and all that. Well, it kinda does that. Except it more actually supports it than makes fun of it. Ugh. I can't believe people like that movie.

Oh well. Time to sleep now.

September

It was the beginning of 6th grade. We were the young kids on the block. We were just getting used to our new school.

On one particular fall afternoon, I had an interesting experience. From what I can remember, the day was just a normal day, and I was slowly getting into the rhythm of the new schedule.

The it hit me. It hit all of us. Kids started saying how Hebrew schools were canceled and after-school activities were canceled. I figured it was just the norm. Things get canceled...no big deal. The principal came over the announcement and told us to go to our homerooms. And so that wasn't too big of a deal, seeing that my homeroom was also the same room as my next class. And so then it started.

My English teacher came into the room. The second she started talking, I knew something was wrong. And I think the rest of the classroom got it, too because they soon all looked up at her, wondering what was happening. She said words like this..."you kids are growing up. You need to enter the world of adulthood. This is a scary world. (her voice was wavering with emotion) I don't mean to scare you, but this is a very, very scary world." Then she sat down, waiting for the announcement to come on. I felt like I could cry. But then I looked around at my table of emotionless peers and knew I needed to take a hold of my emotions. I felt trapped in this strange school, with no idea of where my parents and family were and no idea whether I would ever see them again.

And so the announcement came. We all had different experiences. I felt relieved. Some others worried about relatives. And even others joked about how the "football" (command center of nuclear weapons) was probably destroyed in the pentagon. At least I knew that the world was not ending (although it was much closer than I had realized). At least I knew what was going on.

And so I biked home with my sister. My aunt and uncle and cousins were over and there were high emotions. All I can really remember is my aunt telling me not to watch the news. But I seemed compelled to do so. I needed to know what was going on. As long as I knew the world was still not ending, I would be happy.

To this day, I remember the heart wrenching feeling of helplessness. As a matter of fact, today there was a power outage at my school and I felt as if the world could be ending. With all the commotion, my math teacher walking out of our classroom saying she had to pick up her son, all the confusion in the hallways, my cellphone not working, I felt as if there was something I didn't know. Like the world was ending and I had been totally blindsided by it.

As of today, the world hasn't ended. But it has made a huge impact on the lives of teenagers (along with everyone else. Whenever anyone asks me how old something is, I wonder..."Was it there before September 11th?"

p.s.
talk to me if you ever want me to talk to you again.

p.s.

pretty interesting picture I developed the other day
It is a double-exposure. Although it may be hard to tell how.

I don't really care anymore

You know what? I don't really care anymore.

All I care about is what you think, and apparently, you don't think too fondly of me.

Communication is key. So we're both at fault.

---

In other news, last meet of the season on tuesday! I absolutely can't wait. I have to out-kick somebody in this race. I have a good feeling. I am going to go sub 5-10. I am going to absolutely kill this race.

Well, I should, seeing the training that I've been doing. The other day in the 90 degree heat, I did 3-600 at 70-73 per quarter, 2-400 at sub-70 (wow), and 6-200 at really fast. I think that will improve me so much.

So yeah, speaking of ending, the school year is like almost done! Bio AP monday, which is going to make my weekend torture, but whatevs. I'll set my goal to Saturday the 26th when there's a concert at the hatch shell which I am going toooo. I can't waitt.

Ooh. Good song. "Vienna" by the Fray. It is kinda a song I got a while ago, but am actually listening to all the way through this time. It fits my mood. Except I am a bit happier.

ooo...good news! I finished my song! Uhm, it is sweet. It is amazing. Except it has nothing to do with me. Oh well. Now I have to write the piano part. That will be cool.

I like to say don't care what anybody thinks about me, what anybody suspects of me, any assumptions people make of me. But that is not true. I care more than anything about how others view me. As a matter of fact, running may be one of those things. When I know I make an impression on people, I am very happy. For most people it is the friendships they make when they run or the pure idea of running that they enjoy. But for me, it is the idea that I can do anything. It is the impression that I make on people that allows me to enjoy running.

I need to chill, sit back, and enjoy life a bit more.

So, lately

I am and have been absolutely dead tired for the past week or so. Today, pretty much the only thing that I really payed any attention to was the constant throbbing of my ankle from when I apparently sprained it yesterday while warming up. But yeah...even the meet yesterday is kinda a fuzzy fog in my memory...I am so dead tired. I think I did well? I know I got 5:15, but am not really sure if that's good or bad. Sure didn't feel too good.

I want to go skydiving so badly.

But, yeah...nothing really else is of any relative importance right now.

So, yeahh...this is a really cool video, but is like 9 minutes long. Uhm, you could watch the whole thing, or just fast forward to where the three guys in yellow are. It is amazing how people can do this.

Now it is time for me to continue on my never ending homework.