I need to figure out who I am before I expect others to understand who I am. Do I have to be someone?

"We can't build our happiness on top of someone else's sadness"

I've been writing like crazy about Thursday's events. This is a paragraph from my many pages of thoughts that I have on my computer.

"I need to redefine who you are in my mind. I need to convince myself that you are my friend, not my lover. I need to drown out the memories of you and me together with new memories. Either that, or I cut my connection with you and try not to think of you ever again. But this is the easiest way out. I want to be friends with you, and I think you would want that, too. And the hardest thing is, I have no memories of you as a friend. I need to either make new memories or change the ones I already have.

So I will try my hardest to redefine you. I will dilute my poignant, poisonous memories of my lover with that of my friend, and hopefully this poison will not be enough to kill me."

Ah, la vida. Slowly but surely getting used to it. Finals week coming up. So excited.

I love(d) her so much it is hard to fathom. She just didn't love me back. But I knew this was inevitable. It still hasn't sunk in yet. Just a nagging headache and the inability to focus on anything.

I will be crying in an hour, and won't stop until I find someone new. I guarantee it.