Last post of ever

I am retiring the blog. As many of my friends have said, there is no point to this. If people have any interest in me, they'll talk to me. This is stupid. I have to give all of this up.

I just can't do this anymore.

I can't wait for January

It was awfully rainy today.

Why did I feel like a hero, smiling and biking through the rain while everyone else was huddled under umbrellas waiting for their rides? It was actually really entertaining. They were either thinking...woah...he's cool or...woah...he's absolutely crazy. I don't mind either one.

And apparently, I almost got run over today while biking to school. Maybe the positive effects which biking has on our environment do not surpass the dangers of getting hit. Maybe I should just chill and not worry too much about global warming and rising gas prices and all of that stuff. If I don't risk my life now, I'll be risking my future. I think I'll risk it.

Not that biking is that much of a danger.

Wow, I really need to chill right now. I am worrying about way too many things. I feel like I could explode. I feel like I could punch through my wall right now, but no, that's not a good idea. Maybe I should run more. Maybe running made me numb to everything around me. Whatever it is, I want to be numb again. I at least don't want to think about how I feel.

Why is it that the more I try to focus on college essays, the more I realize that what I am writing really is not me. I just got an English paper back from my teacher. I am very frustrated with the grade that he gave me, but what frustrates me even more is what he told me to do. He said to rewrite is, yes, that is the good part. But he said “you might want to take a look at some of my edits.” I mean, not to get him wrong, but he edited more than half of the words in my paper. Literally, he reworded things in a way that I would never say them, he added weird metaphors which I would never use, he added facts that aren’t true but make a better storyline. He changed what I said. This isn’t a college essay, but I’ve seen the same in the essays that I’ve asked my teachers to read over. They change my voice. They change things that aren’t necessarily wrong, but they change them to make them “sound better”. Sure they sound better to them. But that is their voice, not mine.

Now, how am I supposed to say that the rewrite that I will turn in tomorrow is mine?

I might just write the name of my English teacher in the upper-right corner.

and again

Minneapolis, MN
taken from the bridge next to the bridge that collapsed

So yeah.

I can't think of what to write here. So I chose quotations relatively randomly from this web site thingy..

The happiest person is he who thinks the most interesting thoughts. -William Lyon Phelps

All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin. -John F. Kennedy

Do not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness. -James Thurber

A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence. -Leopold Stokowski

...so..yeah. That's my daily dose of thinking. And...I am such a loser for reading quotes in my spare time.

wicked happy

So, yes. NNHS xc lost today. It's funny how cross country is. You have good days and bad days. You can go from one minute slower than your best time to one minute faster than your best time back to one minute slower than your best time in three consecutive races. A lot of it is about luck. What we eat that day, how cold it is, how much we are motivated. It's all luck, really.

But, yeah. At least Seb did well.

Hmm. What should I talk about now? I really have nothing entertaining to say.

Maybe I should talk about how much I want to do stuff with my friends but like have no time to do so. But I actually really do. I am busy during the week, but I don't know the last time I've done something actually entertaining on a Friday night.

But, yeah. Who wants to read my Colby essay? Oh yes.

Writing prompt:
Discuss this quotation

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
-Marie Curie

"When I was in third grade, I realized that life is very fragile. My parents sat both me and my sister down on the couch, and they told us that the life of my 16 year old cousin was cut short by a thick stump on the side of a slippery road. I didn’t know how to deal with it. My life was no longer a thing to take for granted. My life could end just like that, without any warning.

I wasn’t sure how to deal with this truth in third grade. After a few weeks, I began eating less. Within a month or two, I had lost over 10 pounds. My parents couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, so they ran many, many tests for several months, each coming out as negative. Finally, by the time my doctor recommended I see a therapist, my ribs were visible through my back.

My trip to the therapist was not only to help with my weight problem. After my cousin’s death, I had become more and more attached to my parents, never wanting to be separated from them. It seems that fear had taken over my life, fear of losing the ones I love, fear of losing my own life, fear that something unexpected would happen which would separate me from my parents forever.

After a few months with the therapist, things seemed to be improving. Instead of acting on my fears, I understood them. I understood that what happened to my cousin was not normal. I understood that what happened to my cousin will most likely not happen to me any time soon. Now I understand that worrying about these futile things, the one in a million chances, is not worth it.

I no longer fear death such as that of my cousin. I do not fear what could happen, but rather accept that it could happen and live my life not worrying. We must understand that life is too short to worry about it ending. In a way, life is like going skydiving. We all are going to hit the ground sometime. It is just a matter of how much we enjoy the ride. "

Uhm, good job if you read all that.

Peace.

SSA8MyBsaWZl

"Somewhere at the edge of the bell curve is the girl for me"

So, yeah. Somewhere at the edge of the bell curve. They'll have to find me. Cause where I am now is where I want to be. The status quo is amazing. Although it is not necessarily the best thing.

I think I am getting over this terrible teenager stage.

I am so amazingly happy with everything right now.

So there was this kid. This kid on the Cross Country team (and, I know, I'll stop obsessing over xc in a few weeks, don't worry). He was biking down about a block from my house. Or maybe more. But really close. And so, I kinda knew him. But last Saturday, I noticed police tape and a kinda heap of metal on the road. It was the bike the police were apparently trying to piece together. So then on Monday, I heard about this whole thing. This whole thing and who it involved.

You see, I could see myself doing exactly what that kid did. Biking across the street. Not looking. And bam. In the hospital with almost every bone in his face broken. But he was wearing a helmet. So he's not dead, luckily.

So the team sends him a card, I send him something saying to get well soon. You know, all light-hearted and stuff. Like sending a card to the president. You don't expect anything to come of it or it to have any importance.

Then I hear from my coach who visited him in the hospital. He's not looking too good. He's not looking good at all. He's currently in a medically-induced coma, but the doctors aren't really sure whether he'll actually come out of that coma once they take him off the medications. He hasn't responded since the accident (although the doctors think they might have felt him squeeze his finger when they were seeing if he was conscious).

But this could have been me. This could have easily been me. I bike every day. And I usually bike without a helmet. Without a helmet. I would be dead right now. That easily. Without warning.

One slight mistake can bring the ultimate consequence.

...at least I understand something about black holes

Ok, so change of topic.

Science.

I was thinking today and wondering how moons and other objects are able to stay adrift in space with just enough acceleration to keep from getting sucked towards a planet, but not enough acceleration to escape its gravitational pull. Then I thought, wouldn't it be cool if the earth could act as a huge magnifier, pulling light ever so slightly towards it, therefore creating a point where this light would meet back up and like be slightly stronger than normal light.

Ok, so I probably lost you there. So then I thought about black holes. Light is both a wave and a particle, and a black hole, to my understanding, is basically a really, reallly compressed planet, sucking in light that comes at it. Now what if this light is able to act as a satellite? If light traveled at just the correct angle across just the right distance from a black hole with just the right mass, the light would therefore be caught in the black hole's field of gravity, spinning around and around the black hole just as Saturn's rings spin around Saturn.


Alright. Now what?

Hmm.

"You dream it as you tell it, hoping others might dream along with you"
Tim O'Brien